Trip to the Doctor (x2)

For a little over a week I've been pretty MIA and for good reason! My not-so-baby brother graduated from college a week ago this past Sunday. After the graduation my parents flew back down to DC to stay with me and Steve for the week and celebrate my 29th birthday. So much fun!

Since I was in Boston for my bro's graduation my parents and I stayed on an extra day so that I could go see the retina specialist at Joslin. I have to go every 4 months, which was easy when my bro was in school there but now that he's moving it won't be as easy.

My mom went with me to the appointment on Monday. I have moderate to severe retinopathy. Luckily it isn't bad enough to need surgery. The really great news is that the spot where I was bleeding in 4 months ago has moved further away from the center of the eye! *Happy Dance?*


On Friday I saw my endocrinologist. Based on my meter's 90 day average I had a pretty good idea what my A1C would be. When Dr. A walked in she was so excited to tell me my results: 7.2%! She was impressed. Of course, we both agreed that our goal is for it to be under 7% and  pre-pregnancy goal is 6.5% or under.

My cholesterol is still high but Dr. A doesn't want me on a statin because she is concerned that "they" still don't know the effect it has on fetuses even when stopped before conception. I have never heard of this before but for now I'm going to try to get it down using exercise and diet. That and I'm going to look into natural ways to get it down (eating more fiber, supplements ect.)

While I'm being a good PWD I'm not being good with remembering to take my synthroid (medication for my thyroid.) I know, I know. This teeny tiny little pill that I need to take that will help with my weight loss and exhaustion.


In a month I am seeing the PA/CDE to fine tune basal rates ect. My goals between now and then are to take my synthroid every single day and to loose 3 pounds. I know 3 pounds don't seem like a lot but Dr. A said that weight loss is going to be difficult with my current thyroid levels. I have an uphill battle on that front but if I can lower my A1C the way I have I can do anything! At least that is what I keep reminding myself.

Remember how 3 weeks ago I was sick with a sinus infection and bronchitis? Yeah, well I'm sick again. Exactly a week after I stopped my antibiotic I get congested all  over again and my cough is getting worse. Luckily I think it is just a cold. 3 weeks of sick day rules sure does get old after a while.

Aside from diet and exercise does anyone have any recommendations on how to lower my cholesterol?

So much to catch up on

I have a bunch to catch up on but my parents are in town and today's my birthday so I'm going to spend the day celebrating with them!

A Day Without Diabetes

Sorry this is posted a day late. My brother's big graduation ceremony was yesterday and we spent a lot of time with his friends and friends' families. So much fun. My mom and I are heading over to the Joslin to see the eye doctor. Wish me luck! By the way, I haven't had a chance to reread this post so it very well could be just ramblings. My parents are heading back to my house with my this afternoon and regular blogging will return.

Today is the last day of Diabetes Blog Week. Not going to lie...I'm going to miss having each day's blog topic all set out for me. I'm so glad this has been such a success.

Today's topic:

Sunday 5/16 - Dream a little dream - life after a cure. To wrap up Diabetes Blog Week, let’s pretend a cure has been found. We are all given a tiny little pill to swallow and *poof* our pancreases are back in working order. No side effects. No more insulin resistance. No more diabetes. Tell us what your life is now like. Or take us through your first day celebrating life without the Big D. Blog about how you imagine you would feel if you no longer were a Person With Diabetes.

 This topic is by far the hardest one for me to write about. I mean I can't begin to count the number of times I've thought about not having diabetes but the thought is quickly brushed aside. I've had diabetes for most of life so it is hard to even think about life with out diabetes.

I would love to think that I wouldn't go carb crazy but I think I would have a brief moment of carb overload. Mmmm cupcakes! 

No testing.

No highs.

No lows.

No needles.

The thing that would be the most amazing would be knowing I didn't have to constantly worry that a high blood sugar was causing damage to my body. Complications are scary and not to have to worry or think about them would be amazing.

While all those things seem like an amazing dream part of me will be sad. Odd, I know but think about it. Diabetes is a part of me. It is like my brown hair. One piece of me. Like Kerri at Six Until Me says, Diabetes doesn't define me but it helps explain me. Having diabetes brought out an inner strength in me that I may or may not have had I not been diagnosed. Diabetes has taught me to listen to my body, I mean really listen. I'm constantly doing self-checks to make sure everything is ok. Hard to imagine not doing that everyday. Diabetes has also introduced me to the D-OC.

Life without diabetes is hard to imagine.

Diabetes in Pictures

I'm in Boston this weekend attending my brother's graduation from Boston University. I'm such a proud big sister! He's all growns ups! Sigh. 

Saturday 5/15 - Diabetes snapshots. Inspired by the Diabetes 365 project, let’s snap a few d-related pictures to share today. Post as many or as few as you’d like. Be creative! Feel free to blog your thoughts on or explanations of your pictures. Or leave out the written words and let the pictures speak for themselves.

Move It!

I'm headed up to Boston for my brother's college graduation today. Can't believe my baby brother is a college grad already! I digress. I have posts written for this week so I should still be continue to participate in Diabetes Blog Week. The only issue will be internet connection.

Friday 5/14 - Let's get moving. Exercise . . . love it or hate it? Do you have a regular exercise routine? Or do you have trouble finding your exercise motivation? How do you manage your insulin and food to avoid bottoming out during your workout? Today is the day to tell us all about your exercise habits, or lack thereof.


I have a love hate relationship with exercise.  I guess most of us do, huh? When I exercise I have great numbers. Love that. But I have some issues with exercise:

Motivation
You would think that having great numbers would be motivation enough for me but meh it isn't. I know that I need to exercise but most days I just can't force myself out there. Bottom line: laziness.

Fear
Weird, right?  But I have a fear of how to handle my diabetes. After nearly 22 years of diabetes I should know but I have always just dealt with the lows. Other times I was running high so the exercise just brought me back down to good numbers. I'll psych myself up to go exercise after I wake up in the morning but then I'll test and my blood sugar is in the 90s or 80s and I'll put off exercise until I just don't go. All because I'm too freaked out to play around with my basal rates.  I so need to get over this stupid fear.

Pain
Diabetes isn't my only invisible disease; I also have fibromyalgia. The fibro makes workouts difficult sometimes. I can go on a 20 minute walk one day and the next time I go on the same 20 minute walk I will end up with a flare up and be in horrible pain. Until a few years ago exercise equaled pain for me. Every. Single. Time. Then I started going to pilates classes. For the first time I felt good after exercising.  Now that I'm unemployed paying for pilates classes has become harder. I also enjoy yoga and need to get back into it.

Aside from the pain my issues are totally mental. I want, ok need, to loose weight. Exercise is going to help with that. I'm really determined to get moving again.

Do you have any advice or suggestions for me? How do you handle your diabetes with exercise? What keeps you motivated and going to the gym?

To Carb Or Not To Carb

 I hope you all are enjoying Diabetes Blog Week as much as I am! The topics have really gotten me thinking, which is a good thing.  Here's today's topic: To carb or not to carb.



Thursday 5/13 - To carb or not to carb. Today let’s blog about what we eat. And perhaps what we don’t eat. Some believe a low carb diet is important in diabetes management, while others believe carbs are fine as long as they are counted and bolused for. Which side of the fence do you fall on? What kind of things do you eat for meals and snacks? What foods do you deem bolus-worthy? What other foodie wisdom would you like to share?

I've talked a little bit here about my "food philosophy" but today's topic is a chance to expand on that.

I'm a carb lover. There are not a lot of carby foods that I don't love.

Source

The thing about my love of carbs is that it makes maintaining my blood sugar levels difficult. I've never been a believer in a "diabetes diet"  but I do believe in moderation. I can eat anything I want as long as I bolus but not at every single meal. Lucky for my diabetes is that Steve isn't a fan of bread or pastas. I know, who doesn't like pasta?! On occasion I eat a carb-heavy meal but I always pay for it with blood sugars that are harder to control. That and it goes straight to my hips and but.

While I am trying to cut down on my carbs there is no way I would go no-carb. Our bodies need carbs and if you already have kidney damage too much protein is not healthy for you. Luckily, *knock on wood* I don't have kidney damage. Of course this is my opinion and there are people out there who completely disagree with me. That's ok. So I guess I should rephrase my previous statement and say that no-carb isn't for everyone. (Please don't leave mean comments!)

Fruits and veggies are probably my favorite food groups. I could probably be a vegetarian if there weren't so many meat dishes I liked.  

To carb or not to carb? Well, is say carb but in moderation. I try to choose whole grain carbs but on occasion a grilled cheese on white bread tastes so damn good. If I want a treat like a cupcake I have it but I make sure to not eat it every day. Moderation, people, moderation.
 

My #1 Supporter

Today is Day 3 for Diabetes Blog Week.  The topic for today is to write about our number 1 supporter. I'm really lucky that I have 2 people who are tied for number one supporter: my mom and Steve.  I've written about what an incredible support my boyfriend, Steve is and how much I rely on him. The person who before Steve was always my number one supporter and continues to be my rock is my mom. In honor of Mother's Day here is a letter to my mom.

Dear Mom,

I can't think about diabetes and not think about you. I hate that you are associated with this disease like that but since the day of my diagnosis anything diabetes related you were there. What I remember most about the day I was diagnosed was not the first fingerstick to test my blood sugar or my first injection. What I remember is you. We were sitting in Dr. B's office and as he was talking I saw you tense up. I then remember being in the elevator going up to Dr. H's office and I could see in your eyes and in your mannerism that something was wrong and it had to do with me. Of course, it would be years until I had somewhat of an understanding of what you must of been feeling in that elevator ride. Of course, I'll never understand fully but I'm just now getting it. Those first few days I don't know how you did it. My baby brother was only 5 months old and you had to leave him home to be with me in the hospital. The strength that you showed me in those early days have stayed with me.

When did you start sleeping through the night again? Between a newborn and a 7 year old with diabetes you were up a lot during the night. All those nights when I would stick my finger out from underneath the covers so you could test me. How did you do it? Having a CGM back then would have been so much better and easier.

I was a difficult child. Stubborn as a bull. Wonder where I get that from? Unfortunately for you (and me) I was stubborn about being "normal" and pretending I didn't have diabetes. Those fights. Dear god, those fights we had about me not testing and not taking proper care of myself. You still loved me and was always right there if I ever needed you. When you and Dr. H decided that it was in my best interest to go on an insulin pump as an eleven year old I was not happy but you guys were doing what was in my best interest. I wish I could tell eleven year old me that going on the pump would change my life forever and be something I would feel lost without. In your motherly wisdom you know this, didn't you? You knew that it would be good for me.

We all have had our own way of handling my diagnosis of diabetes. Yours was to do whatever you could to get involved in JDRF; first in the local chapter then with research. You spent so much time traveling the world over reviewing grants and meeting the world's experts in diabetes. After every trip you would come home so excited about the research being done you could talk for hours about it and you did! At the time all that scientific stuff was so boring to me but I sat there listening and encouraging you. This was your outlet. This was your way of dealing.

I've now come to realize that while you were out there doing this for me you were also a champion to all the other people with diabetes. The hours you still spend reading grants and still traveling (although not as much as before, thank god) shows your amazing dedication.

A long time ago we made a promise to each other: you promised to work as hard as you could to find a cure and I promised to take good care of myself so that I would be healthy enough for that cure when it was found. You have not swayed from your promise and I have. I am working so hard now to keep my control tight. When I get frustrated and annoyed I think about you. I think about all that you have sacrificed so that I could have the best care possible and all the tools necessary at my disposal. I think about the strength you showed not only in those early days but in all the days since (7,862 days!) I think about the sleepless nights you were up worrying about me. I think about the hours you spent on airplanes traveling around the world reviewing different labs. I think about the phone call you received in Hong Kong from me crying into the phone saying I was in the hospital in DKA. I think about you and the love you have for me.

See, I can't think about diabetes and not think about you.


I love you, Mom, more than I could ever express.